Please Sir, may I not have anymore! Ever!

Apologies for the delay in posting. The last ten days have been abnormally busy with a major client deliverable due this morning. Last night was super busy, even by consulting standards – I finally got to leave the office at 1 am having spent a nonstop 19 hours in the office. A splitting head caused due to the work, hunger and lack of fresh air did not exactly make the situation anymore pleasurable. To compensate for the last two factors I decided to walk back to the hotel and grab some grub from any open 24 hour eatery. The first such eatery was the brand with a big golden M. So revolting is the sight of it, that inspite of my famished state, I chose to move on. A few blocks down the road I spotted a KFC. Now, I don’t normally eat fast food, haven’t in a long time, not since my college days. This is due to a variety of reasons which may (or may not) include image, both literal and metaphorical.

But today was different, somehow the sight of the big red bucket aroused an almost irresistable urge for the eleven-spiced wonder. My steps quickened; I almost cursed myself for not patronising KFC more often. After all, the KFC chain was actually created with food in mind. I walked in to the most delightful aroma. I stared at the menu for what seemed like ten minutes; reacclimatizing myself with their offerings. I decided on a family box, with a few pieces of what looked like hot heavenly chicken and chilled fizzy coke (oops I mean Pepsi).

After an eternity, my tray was handed over to me. On other days, such a sight would make me feel like someone standing on the social welfare queue. But not today. I walked to an empty table, intentionally ignoring the dirt and the grime on the floor, a couple of dead cockroaches, littered tissue paper and torn newspapers. Having sat down, I slowly opened the box, taking in the smell. I picked up a piece of chicken and slowly bit into it, hoping to savour the taste. Yuck!!! Yuck!!! Yuck!!! I spat it out. It felt like raw, cold, slimy meat wrapped in aluminium foil. Disgusting! I can barely ever remember feeling so disgusted while eating. I was about to puke but the sight of the grime on the floor did not permit that. I decided to gulp down some pepsi, after all that is a standard offering. Wrong move! I assure you water from the sewers would probably taste better. I ran out and into the nearest gas station and bought two bottles of water.

I don’t know if this was a one off or if this is a regular occurence. Something tells me it’s the latter. I can’t understand how people bear this nonsense. How do they make their money? Who buys this crap regularly? Have they never tasted real food?

The next time I get to interview prospective campus hires, this will be one of my interview questions and they better not answer they like KFC, if they know what’s good for them.

I walked back to the hotel, still fuming. I wanted redemption. I needed to cleanse my body and my soul. I ordered caviar and a bottle of Dom. Thank God for small mercies.

Moral of the story: KFC – Kentucky F**ked Chicken